Thursday, February 18, 2010

World Olympics for Grandparents

Here it is. What people my age have been waiting for. Olympic events we can actually do! Good luck and may you all win but remember, even if you don’t win a medal, you’re a grandparent so you’re automatically winners to your grandchildren.

Best Spoiler

Athlete will be required to lavish all manner of goodies, i.e. snacks, late nights, behaviors not otherwise accepted, on grandchild. The most blatant wins the gold.

Best Boo Boo Fixer

Athlete will perform basic first aid on a variety of real or imagined ailments ranging from bumps and bruises to full blown projectile vomiting with good humor and bringing about an instant cure. Neither puke, blood, diarrhea nor snot will detract the athlete from his/her appointed task.

Most Durable

Athlete will subject him/her self to a variety of physical tasks such as allowing grand child to jump on his/her stomach from back of couch, endlessly pushing child on swing, allowing child to ride him/her horse style, etc.


Athlete will perform a number of utterly ridiculous tasks such as jumping around like an ape, laughing funny, making faces, etc. The grandparent who makes his/her grandchild laugh so hard they wet themselves wins the gold.

Best Actor

The athlete will be required to assume a number of different roles with a variety of identities. For example a grand father might be required to act the part of a 3 year old child named Keila and almost instantly have to change into a naughty school boy of undetermined age named Aiden.

Best Story Reader

The athlete will read the same story at least 100 times without a single variation. The person who can do this with the same level of interest each time wins the gold.

Best Game Player

The athlete will be required to play a number of games, never once following the actual rules except those imposed by the child. The child will always win. This task could also be used for the ‘Spoiling Event’.

Best Boogie-Man Chaser

The athlete who comes up with the most imaginative means of convincing without a doubt that there is no boogie man in the closet wins the gold.

Best Good Sport

The athlete will allow him/her self to be humiliated or play a role that is of the utmost embarrassment, i.e. if it’s a grandfather, he will allow the child to dress him up as a girl, put lipstick, hair curlers, eye makeup, mascara, etc. on him.

Lightest Sleeper

This is a timed test. The grandparent who wakes up the fastest when the child does just about anything wins gold.

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