Vote Republican? Absolutely. Here's Why

I’m voting Republican because the government will give more tax breaks to the needy rich. Besides, a little money might trickle down to me.

I’m voting Republican because we need to censor books in our public libraries, especially if they’re offensive to fundamentalist Christians.

I’m voting Republican because they’ll lie us into more unnecessary, trillion dollar wars and kill even more people (but hopefully not the unborn).

I’m voting Republican because they’ll continue to edit scientific papers to fit their agenda.

I’m voting Republican because I’m pro-life for the brain dead and unborn. Once you have your uncle’s baby you’re on your own – it builds character.

I’m voting Republican because I love it when businesses pay their executives outrageous amounts of money. Tax breaks for companies that outsource jobs overseas inspire other businesses – profits go up and Americans lose their jobs. What could be better? Business will always regulate itself and protect the public – whether it’s toys or dog food.

I’m voting Republican because I want them to finish shredding our Constitution.

I’m voting Republican because I needs that AK-47 to hunt ‘possums for stew.

I’m voting Republican because they’ll turn my prejudices into law…and my horse really doesn’t like me anyway.

I’m voting Republican because the poor oil companies need even more record profits. I’m happy that my tax dollars will cover their incentives.

For Two Bonus Points:

I’m voting Republican because they’ll continue to grow our national debt and bankrupt the country. Besides I like being owned by China and Dubai.

I’m voting Republican because they’ll keep making the government bigger and their wealthy friends even richer. A little might even trickle down to me.